Feds won't Dredge because of me

This article originally appeared on the Wacky Leaks facebook page in July, 2014. You may have seen it on my facebook page in December.

Feds won’t dredge because of Sea Monster: memo

OWEN SOUND – The Owen Sound harbour should not be dredged according to a new report that will soon be released to the public. The 2200+ page report by Dillon Consulting cites pollution by a variety of compounds as the reason not to dredge.

But a memo was recently leaked on the internet that says Transport Canada refuses to dredge the harbour for fear of angering the sea serpent that allegedly lives there.

The harbour, once known as the “Gateway to the West” becaus

e so many settlers headed to the prairies and beyond came through it, is in desperate need of dredging. The city has been asking the federal government, who own the harbour, to dredge it for 15 years now.

Instead, the feds have put up fencing that’s supposed to protect the harbour from terrorists and have recently done repair work on the wall of the inner harbour.

In 2011 Parrish and Heimbecker LTD (P&H), the company that owns the grain elevators, said in a newspaper interview that they expected the harbour to close within 2 or 3 years if it wasn’t dredged. The same article quotes area MP Larry Miller as estimating the cost of dredging at about $2 million.

This week a memo found its way onto social media which states in part, “Because of the Owen Sound Serpent and the threat it could pose if we were to antagonize it, Owen Sound harbour should not be dredged under any circumstances.” (Full memo in an earlier post)

One MP correctly criticized the memo, saying it was “a work of fiction”, later referring to it as “a steaming load of crap”.

But Owen Sound resident Jess Sumguy said that the memo explained a lot. “Why else would the feds try to sell the harbour without dredging it? You wouldn’t try to sell your house without staging it, cleaning it up all nice and making it more attractive to buyers, would ya?”

The harbour is currently for sale, after the government failed to sell it to Owen Sound or P&H. Sale of the harbour to P&H or another private company could mean that the harbour would become private and be closed to recreational boaters.

P&H say that ships are no longer able to come into the harbour fully loaded because of the accumulation of silt. They have never publicly expressed any concerns about a sea monster in the Owen Sound harbour.

Compared to more famous sea monsters like Ogopogo and the Loch Ness monster, which are said to live in relatively small bodies of water, the idea of an elusive sea monster living in Lake Huron, with access to the entire Great Lakes system, seems far more plausible.

The Dillon Consulting report says the toxins in the Owen Sound harbour should be left there and they will disappear on their own over time, presumably into the residents through their drinking water. Perhaps the people of Owen Sound are better off if there really is a sea monster.

Although there’s one report that Geraldo Riviera and his crew were in Owen Sound looking for the monster for an episode of their show “In Search of…” and were never seen again, Sumguy and other local residents we spoke to say they’ve never heard of the Owen Sound Serpent.

“The only other reason I can think of not to dredge the harbour,” said Sumguy, “would be to let it silt up until it was useless so they could close the harbour. That way it doesn’t matter how pathetic that terrorist-stopping fence is. You know you can walk right around it, don’t ya?”

That was true until this past week, when Transport Canada closed the gate on that fence, blocking the northern part of the harbour wall on the east side to vehicle traffic. Could it be a precaution against an anticipated attack from the Serpent?

I'll post the rest of that memo at a later date - OSSIE